NASA: A Space Too Far

Space. Or is it?...

I want you to stop what you’re doing right now, run outside, and look up.

What do you see? Hmm?

Why, it’s the sky, of course! The night sky and all her pretty little stars. It’s all laid out there right above your head, plain and simple, just the same as it’s always been. Right?…

WRONG.

The night sky is and umbrella of deceit, and NASA is the chilly wet hand that grips it.

Last week, CNN followed the action surrounding the Space Shuttle Discovery, which has been flying missions into Earth’s orbit for nearly 30 years. The Shuttle is charging into the dark abyss one last time, to boldly go where no man 246 men have gone before. What will be its glorious sendoff, according to NASA?

To “deliver a storage module, a science rig and spare parts to the international space station.”

Now hold on just one damn minute. NASA, are you trying to tell me that you’re flying not one, not two, but six men into outer space just to deliver some nuts and bolts and a Rubbermaid storage bin to a bunch of Commies in jumpsuits? Surely, you don’t really expect me, The Skeptic, to believe this?!

Something smelled foul, and it certainly wasn’t the space ice cream. I sniffed around a little bit, and was beginning to form some pretty startling conclusions, when NASA abruptly unveiled its dirty little secret:

Holy f*&#ing hell.

 

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Robonaut 2: a “dexterous humanoid robot built and designed at NASA Johnson Space Center in Houston, Texas.” Robonaut 2 is accompanying the crew of the Space Shuttle Discovery on its mission into orbit. Reading up on the technical specs of this machine gave me a case of the willies! I hurtled through a maze of emotions, partly because the technology is straight outta Asimov, and partly because of an overwhelming desire to mate with the beast. My initial apprehension was soon eased, however, and my piercing gaze quickly turned elsewhere.

But then I got to thinking… Might that be exactly what NASA wants?

Is Robonaut 2 really the big secret they were trying to hide from us with the “spare parts and storage delivery” claim? Or is this friendly-looking robot simply a red herring that NASA hopes will divert our truth-seeking eyes from something far more sinister they’re cooking up beneath the deserts of Nevada…

So say we all!

 

Stay skeptical, my friends…

~The Skeptic

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