Happy Fourth of July


You know, there are many wars America has fought in, but so few people think of the smaller wars that don’t get all the press of World War 1 or 2. Now… for your viewing pleasure; a list of those wars:
The American War for Peanuts: General George Washington Carver’s heroic conquest of the peanut farms of Saskatoon
The War Against the Sun: Still ongoing, mostly in Texas, local militias will fire warning shots at the sky to keep the sun at bay.
Internet Expansion War of 1875: After the Civil War, many Americans pushed westbound on the internet. Some landmarks are still around, such as the “Peanut Butter Jelly Time” statue, and the burial grounds of The Numa Numa Kid.
The Paintball War: The only war that lasted a day, ending after Jimmy Marshalls mom picked him up.
The Great War of the Mascots: in 1574 before our nation was founded, the Kansas City Chiefs, Cleveland Indians, Atlanta Braves, Chicago Blackhawks, and Washington Redskins all fought for power of this great nation. The Dallas Cowboys and New England Patriots eventually took control post 1776.
– Hollyworld War 1: When the great Sylvester Stalone from Italy took on the British Generals Clive Owen and Jason Stathem, France’s Jean Claude Van Damme, and Austria’s Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sweden’s Dolph Lungdren. Further on in the war, Asia’s Jackie Chan and Jet Li became involved. In the end, it was the American, Harrison Ford, who came out on top.

Over the next couple of days, remember those who have fallen to provide you with the freedom to drink beer, cook meat, and light explosive things on fire.

Happy 4th.